Sunday, 13 September 2009
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
I’m in a bad mood today. My reasons not to be cheerful (in no particular order) are:
- My blog – I’ve been trying to think of something to write for weeks and I still can’t come up with anything interesting. I would like to start something and stick to it. Just once.
- I spent much of Easter weekend moving clothes around and sitting on my bed, contemplating how the seasons of my life are defined by unpacking clothes from storage and packing them back up again when I realise that they still don’t fit.
- This week’s cakes baked for the office were a bit rubbish.
- I keep having a recurring nightmare, featuring various friends from the past, with whom I’ve lost touch due to my laziness in returning calls. It doesn’t take a constipated mathematician to work that one out with a pencil. Anyway, as a result, I’m not sleeping very well.
Reflecting on all of the above has made me realise how shallow I am (none of the above is Cancer, after all) and has pushed me down what I hope to be a narrow path (i.e. no room for turning). It’s time to pull myself together and lead a better life. I’ll be 40 years old in June and find myself careering towards a mid life crisis. Only a few Minor Achievements will help me avoid what is currently the inevitable whining session to the long suffering Big Al.
The Minor Achievements will be very minor. Softly softly, catchee monkey:
- Reduce caffeine intake to 2 cups per day.
- Check TLP’s homework every day. With patience and grace.
- Shed a dress size (this month’s Red Magazine told me that, to lose weight permanently, I must change my mindset and see weight reduction as ‘shedding’ rather than ‘loss’. In this way, I won’t miss the person I used to be. For God’s sake. I won’t miss the fat bird. I’ll be waving her off at the station and changing the locks).
- Answer the phone. Every time. I plan to keep the few friends that I have.
There. It’s written in my blog, the modern equivalent of the stone tablets and therefore will be so. Ha ha.
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Saturday, 7 February 2009
- New hose attachment for the tumble dryer
- Low energy bulb for the outside light
- New toilet brush (don't even ask)
- Geometry set to replace the fifteen lost by the Little Prince in one term
- Cheap vest top to wear under a new-ish but now sagging V-neck sweater which is indecently showing my now sagging boobs
- Chicken wire (for the Little Prince's school project - constructing a model motte and bailey castle. Nothing to do with afore mentioned sagging boobs).
Friday, 6 February 2009
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Swiss Family Chavs
A group made up of several large families from Essex. Tans, shaved heads, nails, loud children and, I’m sure, several unnecessary 4x4s at home. I considered saying a few Hail Mary’s as penance for taking an instant dislike to them. Until we overheard them discussing immigration with an equally unenlightened Canadian in the hotel bar. ‘I don’t mind the Poles’, an Orange One whined. ‘But they need to fit in more. I mean, when in Rome…’
We arrived at the hotel on New Year’s Eve. The hotel had stated that the dress code that evening was ‘resort casual’. We wore jeans and snow boots.
The other guests wore sequins. Lots of them.
In fact, I have never seen so many sequins in one room. The glitter balls were over shadowed by the sequins. The event should have come with a warning to those suffering from fits brought on by flashing lights.
The revenue of the worldwide sequin industry must rely heavily on the New Year’s Eve dinner at this hotel.
I can imagine sequin salesmen throughout the year, gathered around the flip charts at their quarterly sequin sales forecast sessions, estimating the number of North American female guests due to attend the Fairmont’s celebrations. ‘Well, Larry, they’ve just had another table of 10 from Des Moines confirm. And the Irwins from Oklahoma City are considering a return visit, once Janice has gotten her order in to The Shiny Star Boutique. It’s looking good and I know you won’t quote me on this, but I reckon we can count on that bonus weekend in Scottsdale’.
We quite enjoyed the evening, once I’d returned to our room and retrieved our ski goggles.
Frickin’ AWEsome DUDEs!
I can’t believe that this group were real. I thought I had been run over by a moose and had woken up in a very cold version of ‘Beverly Hills 90210’.
Every year, hundreds of college kids from the US take advantage of the cheap ski breaks and arrive en masse at the resort. They were a joy to behold. Their lack of vocabulary and general air of world domination would have made Dubya proud. Their lack of consideration and disdain for other guests would have had Dick Cheney jumping out of his wheelchair for joy.
I think that our xenophobic sense of disdain and disgust was justified as we watched them snowboard down the mountain, wearing surf shorts and bikinis, quarts of (very crap) American beer in hand, whooping and hollering to each other across the beginners’ trails.
The future of the western world rests in their hands. A frightening thought.
I’ve just read back over this post and have realised that I need to loosen up and get a life. I’ll break out the St Tropez lotion early and will start sewing the sequins on to that LBD. New Year’s Eve 2009 is only 338 days away.