Thursday, 19 February 2009

Open wide...

WTF?  I mean W.T.F.???  I've just got back from the dentist and have had to make myself a strong G&T (yes, am trying to fit in as many TLAs* as possible in this post).

I went to the dentist for a check-up.  Admittedly it's been a while since the last one.  My money was on a couple of fillings, at worst.  I even thought that I might treat myself to some whitening.  My friend Lady Perkleton has just had hers done and she is now a gleaming goddess. 

Anyway, went in expecting a clean up,  came out with a quote for braces.    I'm going to have to pay three thousand pounds for 18 months of wearing braces. The ones which are cemented in.  I'll have no money and a mouth like a spotty teenager.  And a possible bridge.  And then, if I'm not completely wiped out, I could have my teeth whitened.

The thought of this led me to the conclusion that I MUST lose some weight quickly (all roads lead to body size issues).  My self esteem will plummet if I have to wear braces AND continue to be the size of a couple of space hoppers (and that's just my bra).  

I dusted off my on-line WW account and set up the menu for the week ahead.  I will turn into a health freak and a gym nut.  I may set off the security detectors at the airport but the official who frisks me will note my rock hard butt and calves of steel.

All this thinking and planning exhausted me, so I polished off the remainder of my G&T and ate a large bag of pretzels.

Now I'm about to go out to dinner with my mother and sister.  Both of whom have exceptional teeth and are frequent users of the treadmill.  I'm hoping that my competitive streak will kick in and I'll finally find me some self control and discipline.  Surely it's in the genes somewhere?  Dig deep, FK, dig deep.  And carry on digging, as that three grand has got to be found somewhere.

*TLAs:  Three letter acronyms

6 comments:

rosiero said...

Did your dentist force you into it or did you want to go down that route? Why have a brace now? I think I would have said "no" as soon as I heard the words "three thousand pounds"!

Lady Perkleton of Gower said...

I would suggest that you don't have your teeth whitened and then go to the gym. I went to my usual spin class (that cycling to music for the uninitiated) and the instructor put the neon lights on. 3 people fell off their bikes as a result of the blinding light of my teeth...

Potty Mummy said...

FK, you know what I think about it (as I sit here fatly in my too tight jeans - why oh why did I have the cassoulet last night? It's your fault I tell you, your fault). I just need to win the lottery and we can have invisalign together...

Expat mum said...

Just realized who you are- too funny.
Anyway - you're becoming American. What can you possibly gain now from having a mouth full of metal? Are your teeth really that bad that you need braces for 18 months. Wouldn't you rather spend the money on a cosmetic procedure? Or are you teeth so bad that this is the first on your list? Do tell.

Footballers Knees said...

Hi Rosiero -I may have got carried away in the dentist chair as she spoke about attractive teeth. I will be asking for a second opinion!

Lardy Perkleton - I have heard about your spin class. Don't distract me with stories about teeth and neon light. I suggest you take up the ex-ballet dance/gym instructor's offer of a drink and see if he really is gay.

PM - I've done the lottery on line for 5 years and have won nothing. So it's only a matter of time before my numbers come up.

Hi Expat Mum, thanks for reading my post! You ask a very pertinent question - what could I gain from a mouth full of metal for 18 months? Self esteem? Yes, I think I may be that shallow. My teeth aren't that bad, but I watched an episode of '10 Years Younger' the other day and the poor soul had teeth like tombstones. I'm worried that could be me in a few years. Re. cosmetic procedure- I'm not sure what a cosmetic procedure is - are we talking surgery? I'm too much of a baby to put myself through surgery unless absolutely necessary. I'm writing as a woman who took 3 weeks off work after minor day surgery on my ankle.

Timothy Burley said...

So did you actually wear the braces for the next 18 months? I could just imagine how happy you had become after that period of time - straighter teeth that sport the killer smile and all. Then, comes teeth whitening.