I went to the dentist for a check-up. Admittedly it's been a while since the last one. My money was on a couple of fillings, at worst. I even thought that I might treat myself to some whitening. My friend Lady Perkleton has just had hers done and she is now a gleaming goddess.
Anyway, went in expecting a clean up, came out with a quote for braces. I'm going to have to pay three thousand pounds for 18 months of wearing braces. The ones which are cemented in. I'll have no money and a mouth like a spotty teenager. And a possible bridge. And then, if I'm not completely wiped out, I could have my teeth whitened.
The thought of this led me to the conclusion that I MUST lose some weight quickly (all roads lead to body size issues). My self esteem will plummet if I have to wear braces AND continue to be the size of a couple of space hoppers (and that's just my bra).
I dusted off my on-line WW account and set up the menu for the week ahead. I will turn into a health freak and a gym nut. I may set off the security detectors at the airport but the official who frisks me will note my rock hard butt and calves of steel.
All this thinking and planning exhausted me, so I polished off the remainder of my G&T and ate a large bag of pretzels.
Now I'm about to go out to dinner with my mother and sister. Both of whom have exceptional teeth and are frequent users of the treadmill. I'm hoping that my competitive streak will kick in and I'll finally find me some self control and discipline. Surely it's in the genes somewhere? Dig deep, FK, dig deep. And carry on digging, as that three grand has got to be found somewhere.
*TLAs: Three letter acronyms