Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Sequins & Snowboards

We got back from skiing in Eastern Canada last week. We met many interesting and varied people. My three favourite encounters are below. I make no apology for the snobbish bent to this post. What can I say? I like to think that I'm just 'socially aware'.

Swiss Family Chavs
A group made up of several large families from Essex. Tans, shaved heads, nails, loud children and, I’m sure, several unnecessary 4x4s at home. I considered saying a few Hail Mary’s as penance for taking an instant dislike to them. Until we overheard them discussing immigration with an equally unenlightened Canadian in the hotel bar. ‘I don’t mind the Poles’, an Orange One whined. ‘But they need to fit in more. I mean, when in Rome…’

The Sequins
We arrived at the hotel on New Year’s Eve. The hotel had stated that the dress code that evening was ‘resort casual’. We wore jeans and snow boots.

The other guests wore sequins. Lots of them.

In fact, I have never seen so many sequins in one room. The glitter balls were over shadowed by the sequins. The event should have come with a warning to those suffering from fits brought on by flashing lights.

The revenue of the worldwide sequin industry must rely heavily on the New Year’s Eve dinner at this hotel.

I can imagine sequin salesmen throughout the year, gathered around the flip charts at their quarterly sequin sales forecast sessions, estimating the number of North American female guests due to attend the Fairmont’s celebrations. ‘Well, Larry, they’ve just had another table of 10 from Des Moines confirm. And the Irwins from Oklahoma City are considering a return visit, once Janice has gotten her order in to The Shiny Star Boutique. It’s looking good and I know you won’t quote me on this, but I reckon we can count on that bonus weekend in Scottsdale’.

We quite enjoyed the evening, once I’d returned to our room and retrieved our ski goggles.

Frickin’ AWEsome DUDEs!
I can’t believe that this group were real. I thought I had been run over by a moose and had woken up in a very cold version of ‘Beverly Hills 90210’.

Every year, hundreds of college kids from the US take advantage of the cheap ski breaks and arrive en masse at the resort. They were a joy to behold. Their lack of vocabulary and general air of world domination would have made Dubya proud. Their lack of consideration and disdain for other guests would have had Dick Cheney jumping out of his wheelchair for joy.

I think that our xenophobic sense of disdain and disgust was justified as we watched them snowboard down the mountain, wearing surf shorts and bikinis, quarts of (very crap) American beer in hand, whooping and hollering to each other across the beginners’ trails.

The future of the western world rests in their hands. A frightening thought.

I’ve just read back over this post and have realised that I need to loosen up and get a life. I’ll break out the St Tropez lotion early and will start sewing the sequins on to that LBD. New Year’s Eve 2009 is only 338 days away.

1 comment:

Potty Mummy said...

'Socially aware' of Kensington wants to know if next year you are planning on sewing sequins onto a waistcoat for Big Al to wear so you can be his and hers co-ordinated. That way you get to fit in with two groups in one go, the chavs and the sequin wearers. Add the little Prince into the mix with his no-doubt then teenage angst and mutterings, and you can go for the whole shebang...

Still not interested in going to France with us? There are a whole new of raft of groups to be socially aware about there...