- New hose attachment for the tumble dryer
- Low energy bulb for the outside light
- New toilet brush (don't even ask)
- Geometry set to replace the fifteen lost by the Little Prince in one term
- Cheap vest top to wear under a new-ish but now sagging V-neck sweater which is indecently showing my now sagging boobs
- Chicken wire (for the Little Prince's school project - constructing a model motte and bailey castle. Nothing to do with afore mentioned sagging boobs).
I wrote the weekend's shopping list on the back of one of the many, many 'Diary of a ...' articles hanging around at the moment. You know the type - fashion, cosmetics, the suffix 'ista' thrown in somewhere. And the references to the writer's career were even more sickening: script writers, Hollywood, New York, chick lit and HBO.
The woman is probably the same age as me (hey, I'm not forty, YET). I bet her shopping list doesn't include plumbing attachments (although maybe attachments of a different sort?) or toilet brushes.
I was going to suggest some possible items which may be included in her list. But I wouldn't know where to start. Specially prepared meals which follow a complicated gluten, diary, protein, calorie and air free diet and perhaps some face cream made from the the tears of a unicorn, I would have thought.
I don't expect she eats a family bag of Doritos whilst sitting in her thermals having just defrosted the fridge and thrown away 3 carrier bags of healthy food brought at the start of a diet week which disintegrated into pizza and houmous. Well, at least the houmous had red peppers - surely one of my five a day?
Anyway, back to the shopping list. I took a long, hard look at it. I realised that I had to do something drastic. I took a deep breath and added the ingredients for my ultimate comfort food: lasagne, made with real bechamel sauce, chicken livers, a couple of litres of marsala wine and a kilo of parmesan. A thousand calories per tablespoon. Bliss.