Saturday, 7 February 2009

'So then, you shall know them by their shopping lists' (Matthew 7:16)

Must buy:
  • New hose attachment for the tumble dryer
  • Low energy bulb for the outside light
  • New toilet brush (don't even ask)
  • Geometry set to replace the fifteen lost by the Little Prince in one term
  • Cheap vest top to wear under a new-ish but now sagging V-neck sweater which is indecently showing my now sagging boobs
  • Chicken wire (for the Little Prince's school project - constructing a model motte and bailey castle.  Nothing to do with afore mentioned sagging boobs).

I wrote the weekend's shopping list on the back of one of the many, many 'Diary of a ...' articles hanging around at the moment.  You know the type - fashion, cosmetics, the suffix 'ista' thrown in somewhere.   And the references to the writer's career were even more sickening:  script writers, Hollywood, New York, chick lit and HBO.

The woman is probably the same age as me (hey, I'm not forty, YET).  I bet her shopping list doesn't include plumbing attachments (although maybe attachments of a different sort?) or toilet brushes.

I was going to suggest some possible items which may be included in her list.  But I wouldn't know where to start.  Specially prepared meals which follow a complicated gluten, diary, protein, calorie and air free diet and perhaps some face cream made from the the tears of a unicorn, I would have thought. 

 I don't expect she eats a family bag of Doritos whilst sitting in her thermals having just defrosted the fridge and thrown away 3 carrier bags of healthy food brought at the start of a diet week which disintegrated into pizza and houmous. Well, at least the houmous had red peppers - surely one of my five a day?

Anyway, back to the shopping list.  I took a long, hard look at it.  I realised that I had to do something drastic.  I took a deep breath and added the ingredients for my ultimate comfort food:  lasagne, made with real bechamel sauce, chicken livers, a couple of litres of marsala wine and a kilo of parmesan.  A thousand calories per tablespoon.  Bliss.


rosiero said...

For a split second, I thought the chicken wire was for the sagging boobs, but then I read your comment! Your last paragraph has had me lusting after lasagne and red wine, considering my last post!

Tawny said...

Oooh can I share your lasagne!

what happened ?how did i get HERE? said...

hilarious! my list also includes various stationery bits for the kids....despite the fact that we are awash with frickin pencils and rubbers....a standing item on my list is wine - Dr Merlot is a great comfort to this stressed mummy....and that lasagne sounds've inspired me to get off my arse and go to the shops! Mx

Footballers Knees said...

Hi all, I have to confess - I've now made lasagne twice in one week and am about to slip into a bechamel and carb induced coma type state - lots of dozing and watching reality TV. My advice - don't listen to a word I've written and step away from the pasta based meat dishes!

Rosiero - there is some chicken wire left and I'm thinking of constructing some support item!

Tawny - yes you can share, lasagne is for all stressed mothers!

M - what is it about stationery? I'm on a constant shopping search for the exotic ink cartridges my son needs for his 'special' pen. I've just read your blog and I think we share the same life around Christmas and child sharing, very funny!