Monday, 10 November 2008

Nigella & I

So, today's question is:  does the traditional wish for peace and harmony for next year, made whilst stirring the Christmas cake ingredients, still count if one is bickering with one's husband and 12 year old over the best way to fold in the flour?

I've recently bought the ultimate festive recipe book, 'NIGELLA CHRISTMAS'.  In capitals.  It really is that good.   A whole chapter on preparation, and on how to appear perfect when you've actually just changed out of your jammies five minutes before the guests arrive.  A whole chapter on cocktails.  And (my favourite), a whole chapter on Christmas baking.  

I love Nigella.  I want to be her friend.  

Big Al used to say (before he met me, of course), that the reason he and Kylie were not married was because she hadn't yet met him.  

I know, deep down, that the reason I'm not Nigella's best friend is because circumstances have kept us apart and that, if we did meet, she'd want to be my best friend too.  We'd be kindred spirits.  I would be the Diana Barrie to her Anne of Green Gables.  The Edina to her Patsy.  The C3PO to her R2D2.  You get the picture.  

If we were friends, we would exchange tips on the best places to buy magic knickers or which newspaper makes the best recyclable Christmas wrapping (I suspect she's a Telegraph reader).

I  used to dream of being Delia Smith's god-daughter, but lost all respect for her after the debacle on the Norwich City pitch.  Too much sherry at half time, methinks.  So Delia has been relegated to the back of the kitchen book shelf and is only retrieved when the situation requires an emergency chocolate bread and butter pudding (probably more frequently than is healthy).

'How to Eat' and 'Domestic Goddess' led me to Nigella's Christmas book and the situation in which the Knees family found themselves this evening.  

After a long day in school and office, we were tired and probably not in the best frame of mind to be pushing 2lbs of cake ingredients around a too-small bowl and most of the kitchen work surfaces.  

Big Al kept glancing at the book cover and the picture of Nigella bursting over the top of her festive dress whilst holding a plate of roast potatoes (rolled in mustard powder and cooked in goose fat?  I can't wait to find out).  I suspect he was aware of my crush and jealous of the potential competition.

He really shouldn't have worried. 

 The eggs separated in the mixture and I had to crush and sieve the cloves myself so people will be picking the stalks out of their teeth until Twelfth Night.  I've just realised that I forgot to switch on the oven timer and have no idea how long the cake has been cooking.  I'm a disappointment to Nigella and I know it's only a matter of time before I have to hand back my apron and say a tearful good-bye.  

I'll join Delia in football's Division Four and will crack open a bottle of Croft's Original.

Chocolate bread and butter pudding, anyone?

PS:  PM - I know I said I would stay away from the PC and tend to my post-cake kitchen, but I'm hoping that the tidy-up fairies will take pity on me and pay a visit.


Paradise Lost In Translation said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paradise Lost In Translation said...

Sorry try again.
I LOVE Nigella too, though her recipes aren't ALWAYS quite as yummy as she says, but it's enough to just read about them in her sel-deprecating, amusing prose, and feast on the piccies.
I met someone here in Albania (where I live at the mo) who went to school with Nigella in Chelsea! Somehow I find that a bit bizarre, meeting someone out here in the backwoods who actually went to school with the Domectis Goddess herself

11 November 2008 00:30

Anonymous said...

I lost all respect for Delia after the 'How to Cheat' TV show endorsed tinned mince.

Tinned mince?

Surely there is never any need for that?

So it is back to the fold of Nigella and her chocolate mousse cake (Domestic Goddess book) - delicious!

Potty Mummy said...

Tried to leave a comment earlier but Boy #2 was 'helping' me with the computer, pushing random keys and making the whole exercise pointless... Anyway, great post. Will bring a toothpick when I try the cake, though...

Footballers Knees said...

Hi Paradise - very exciting that your friend went to school with Nigella, perhaps you could ask her if the Goddess passed on any tips? Have to stop now, I'm scaring myself and may turn in to Kathy Bates in Misery: 'I'm your biggest fan.'

Mud in the City - I completely agree with you re. Delia, I seem to remember she even used Smash in one the the recipes. A disgusting excuse for food at the best of times, but has a more negative meaning for me as an ex-boyfriend used to live on the stuff, which just about summed him up.

PM - Send Boy #2 into the kitchen and get him to do something useful like throw together a chocolate mousse cake.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Hello, I've come your way via Potty Mummy's Carnival and shall be back!

I LURVE Nigella's Malteser Cake so much. I add to it version is the MMR cake. Maltesers, Minstrels and Revels. Sometimes a SMRM cake if I add Smarties to the mix!