Thursday, 13 November 2008

All grown up?

So, only 7 months, 1 week, 3 days and 20 minutes until I'm forty. This made me realise that I'm almost a grown-up and really don't have much time to sort myself out.

With this in mind, I've compiled a list of goals which, when reached, will make me a real Grown Up.

10 ways to know when I'm a Grown Up -

1. I will wear matching underwear every day.

2. I will tidy the drawer for my matching underwear so that items are grouped into Special, Going Out, Weekend and Work. As my mother told me (not long ago) 'Keeping a tidy underwear drawer takes hard work, FK. It doesn't just happen on it's own.'

3. I won't feel sick every time I go to the ATM.

4. I will stop swearing at other drivers, especially women at roundabouts.

5. I will delay changing into my pyjamas until at least 9.00p.m. At the moment, Big Al greets me at the door, I hand him my laptop bag and head straight upstairs to change into an old yoga outfit.

6. I will try yoga for the first time.

7. I will stop buying Walkers' French Fries as diet food, and eating three packets in a row.

8. I will get myself on the PTFA cake stall for the Christmas Fayre. Whoops, too late on this one for the third year running. My mother should have put my name down at birth.

9. I will have a tidy i-Pod full of worthy and meaningful songs, so that I don't shuffle through 89 tracks on my way to work, stopping only for the Spice Girls, Elbow and the occasional OMD hit from 1986.

10. I will shave my legs more than once a fortnight so that Big Al doesn't get velcroed to me in bed at night.

On a more positive note, I feel I'm moving in the right direction:

10 reasons why I know that I'm almost a Grown Up -

1. We have a guest room, which is tidy most of the time and not really used to store bags for the charity shop.

2. I put towels in the guest room when guests come to stay. And feel slightly shocked when they are unused after the guests have left the following morning.

3. I drive at 30mph in built up areas. I'd like to say it's because I had a 'road to Damascus' moment at the speed workshop I attended last year. But that would be lying. It's because I get such pleasure from making others behind me drive at the same speed. Especially Jonnie Boden types in large 4x4's.

4. My car has both front and rear fog lights.

5. I have comfortable insoles in all of my shoes. And not many of my shoes need re-heeling.

6. I made a Christmas cake. AND I'm feeding it. When I remember.

7. I went to the Lake District at half term and drank coffee out of a flask whilst wearing water-proof over-trousers.

8. I use a micro cloth on the shower door EVERY morning.

9. I buy the Christmas edition of Good House Keeping magazine and follow the instructions for a 'simple' Christmas Dinner with a diligence and attention to detail that would have made Barack's campaign team proud.

10. My creative son made a pretend security swipe system for his bedroom door out of an empty box previously used for my sensitive bladder panty liners.

Surely you can't get more grown up than wee-ing when you sneeze?

7 comments:

Mud in the City said...

I'm not qiute at the wee-ing when you sneeze stage of adulthood - but I blame that on not having children.

I've just turned 30 and can feel a similar list coming on.....

Potty Mummy said...

Firstly, Mud - stop showing off about your youth.(mutter, mutter)

Secondly FK, I AM (over) 40 and I don't think I've achieved any of those (and certainly wouldn't admit to the bladder weakness - the lift goes up, 2, 3, 4 - and the lift goes down, 2, 2, 4. As if). With the exception of course of driving at 30mph for precisely the same reasons, obviously.

Footballers Knees said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Footballers Knees said...

Once more with the correct spelling:

Ah, to have a pelvic floor as tight as a steel trap. Mud - regardless of children, just do those exercises, just in case!

Potty Mummy said...

'As tight as a steel trap'. Isn't that the sort of thing men have nightmares about?

Did Big Al shave his beard off yet, btw, FK?

http://reluctantmemsahib.wordpress.com said...

Here via Potty. Have laughed alot. i'm more than 40. 42 and three quarters actually.

Pelvic Floors. yup. going up. 1st, 2nd, third. Hold. Whilst the woman at the back with a baby on her hip and another in a push chair try to get out and can't because the man at the front has his ipod on so loud and is staring at ceiling and tapping foot and does not regiter that there is a small family battling to exit ... and all the whilst you're straining to keep the sodding lift on the third floor for the count of 50.

Will be back!

bubbleandsqueak.fr said...

I just worked out I am 10 months, 1 week, 5 days and 20 minutes away from my fortieth.
Brain cells not working like they used to.
Pelvic floor okay.
x